20. Frustration

To those reading this category (Falkland Journal, 1988) for the first time, I urge you to read my first ever post – ‘An Ill Wind‘ to provide context for this post, which is the 20th extract from my 1988 journal.

 

Saturday 7 May 1988, Koei Maru 30

I am guilty of neglect. I seem to either write letters or my diary, one usually at the expense of the other. It is late Saturday now, I have just had my breakfast. I keep having bonkers dreams, I am plagued with them.

I wrote to the Myers and to Deb and Alex.

I hope so much that Arsenal won last night, yesterday, today I mean. I must be one of their remotest supporters, I may try to join the fan club.

When I think of the only club in London, I think of Gavin and Sean and how lucky they are that they will see the Littlewoods Cup final! Sean will actually be there, lucky pig.

Time goes by. Soon it will be Sunday and soon I will get picked up by the patrol ship. Yahoo!

I took a whole bunch of really boring sunrise shots and tried to photograph a number of birds. It will be a very dull film I think.

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Sunrise in the South Atlantic, 7 May 1988

Sunday 8 May 1988, Koei Maru 30

I am on to my next 10 Japanese letters! recap on:    a  i  u  e  o

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The next bunch are    Sa, Shi, Su, Se, So; Za, Ji, Zu, Ze, Zo

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Why is it so bloody difficult?

Wrote a long letter to Mum and Ad, I sent another £15 for developing films.

Monday 9 May 1988, Koei Maru 30

At last I wrote to Clive, but it is very late of me to reply.

I am very bored. Tonight we’ve caught nothing, I have been unable to work. It is pitiful.I am being paid to fritter my time away. Possibly the worst aspect is that during these bad catches I smoke maybe two cigarettes. I must stop before it becomes a habit.

I am sitting listening to my African tape. I must go to Africa – I hear it calling. I am desperate to go there. I want to work in Africa.

Revision:

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How could I have dared neglect to put in the article about Uderzo? What a terrible blunder.

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Jim was on the radio this time, it was good to talk to him. He enjoys a good chat as opposed to a quick talk! It is good.

It looks like I may be marooned for a few more days! The patrol ship had to arrest a Korean ship and returned to Port Stanley without little old me. It is possible she’ll steam out over the next couple of days to collect me – who knows? Slightly depressing.

It seems as though Jim wants to come to Montevideo – I hope it can be arranged, it would be good to have some company.

Tuesday 10 May 1988, Koei Maru 30

Another five katakana I think.

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What a terrible day – nothing, absolutely nothing to do. I think I’ll cry if I don’t get picked up soon. Only my South American music is keeping me sane at the moment, or is it the fact that I’m listening to it at all an indication of my insanity? Some would think so.

Wrote a letter to R&C, a bit short and feeble, but I’m running out of things to tell people.

My room stinks! I think it is because I spend so much time in it. It is stale and nasty, but what can I do?

Well, I’m angry and upset, but that is tomorrow.

 

 

Love Earth

 

That moment when you

rise above the clouds and the

wonder is revealed

 

by Scooj

15. Desperate men

Thursday 21 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

Today hasn’t actually begun yet or at least I suppose it has in Japan and will in the UK fairly shortly. Bit of a cock up on the time front. Well I slept for some 12 hours on and off – bad dreams all the time. I lay awake for half that time. Missed all daylight – God it’s so depressing doing that. I am planning to go to bed at about 10-11 this morning with a view to radioing Stanley at 10 on Friday. Tonight’s fishing completes my first week back of the second voyage – I suppose that has to be good news.

My mind keeps going back to mum on the phone saying “write a book”, “why not?” – I could think of a million reasons why not, beginning with ‘I have nothing to say, nothing new happens’ – too difficult – I cannot express myself – nobody would find it interesting.

I had a good sleep and feel quite refreshed. Changed my socks, or at least my 7-day-old pair walked away from me. In fact they weren’t too smelly.

Smelly socks
Smelly socks

‘Name of the Rose’ is getting good, but I can’t help feeling that Umberto Eco’s vanity has entered into it a little too much. He uses the characters to show how much he himself knows about monastic history from the period 1100 to 1400 or so. Why not write a history instead of a thriller? Vanity? money? I wrote to Deb and to Andy W yesterday. I have become a little less prolific recently, probably all part of my general gloom at the moment.

Friday 22 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

I have managed to get through midnight without my customary snooze, which gives me great cheer and I don’t feel too tired yet, which is a good sign. I have learned to make myself as comfortable as I can and use the mattress from the other bunk to sit across my bed on. It is not ideal, but more comfortable than my fold up writing chair.

I feel it is time to enter some football; results and tables:

Cuttings of football results from newspapers sent out to me from the UK.
Cuttings of football results from newspapers sent out to me from the UK.

I’ve been meaning to do that for ages and feel really good now that it is done. I only yearn now for my next bunch of newspapers.

21:30 hrs – What a lot to talk about.

I must just say on e thing that made me laugh – one of the crew was standing with 5 or 6 packets of liquorice comfits and he said ‘no goo’, whereupon he promptly filled his hand with some and swiftly chucked them in his mouth.

Are these desperate men?

Are these men desperate?

These men are desperate

These are desperate men

Desperate these men are

Desperate men these are

These men desperate are

These desperate men are.

Best news is that I’m going to Uruguay! Yahoo! – all payed for etc etc.

Shit I’m lucky.

It has all come about because of some argument to do with the KSJ/Fisheries Directorate agreement. It seems that KSJ want an observer to watch and report on the refit in Montevideo and count this as part of the 120 day programme of long-lining. Still, I’m not complaining, especially as it now means that my leave will be in July/August instead of June. Much better for everyone.

14. Pissed off

My 1988 Falkland Island journal continues…

Sunday 17 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

Getting pretty pissed off out here – the weather is non-descript, overcast. I am in permaslumber and can’t break out. My cabin is too hot, probably causing my drowsiness, the work is bloody boring and most other activities send me to sleep.

A letter to the TLS (click to read)
A letter to the TLS (click to read)

I found an interesting letter in the TLS. I wonder if Ad had tactfully neglected to send the issue with the original article in it – I will have to ask him.

I have seen two more birds, one yesterday and one today:

a little grey and white bird, round and small, ‘flying’ underwater. I’ve seen it on the wall chart, but don’t remember the name;

a tern-like bird, very white with a grey cap and light grey wing uppers. A sleek bird with a forked tail.

Monday 18 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

I damn well slept again from 24:00 until 02:00. It is driving me bonkers. I shouldn’t need an ‘afternoon’ kip after having some ten hours or more night’s sleep. What is happening to me?

Walked into the bridge to find the Fishing Master in his underpants and vest. This is the first time this has happened. It is impossible to know what to do. I cannot ignore him (which I do), because it is so obvious. I cannot leave, because I have work to do.

I slept from 06:30 to 12:30, ready to eat steak, but I have just found the Fishing Master in the kitchen and I think he is eating my food. Revenge is sweet.

Falkland Island 1988 29p stamp
Falkland Island 1988 29p stamp

I managed to get a steak in the end. Wrote to Nick B and to Deb.

I have bumped my head countless times today. It’s a bastard, I’ve got lumps on my head now. It seems to happen as I pass through doorways.

Tuesday 19 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

I hate to admit it, but I wrote nothing today…little happens.

The young 20 year old crew member is sick.

Wednesday 20 April 1988, Koei Maru 30

I think this trip will go faster than the last, especially since I know that it is the last voyage for squid.

I also know that the KM30 will call in at Port Stanley on the 15th to tranship squid with the last KSJ reefer before setting out for a further 10 days.

Monitoring and recording squid, 1988
Monitoring and recording squid, 1988

I set a good quiz for Gavin, which I enjoyed doing, but at this moment, 05:00 I am very pissed off indeed – I don’t know why, I suppose there are many reasons. One which occurs to me immediately is that squid are horrible. I hate bloody squid…I’m even beginning to hate the taste of it. This is a shitty job anyway – yeah, great, so I’ll have a few anecdotes to bore my friends with, but basically it’s shitty. Who else would do this kind of work, that had spent 4 years at university? nobody.

 

West

 

The wind in my face,

dreaming of sandy beaches;

I make for Cornwall.

 

by Scooj

 

12. Ashore

The digitisation of my Falkland Islands journal from 1988 continues, with the following section, in which I reach Port Stanley after a long maiden voyage on the Japanese squid jigger ‘Koei Maru 30. All sections in italics, like this one, are comments or observations from now. I try to keep these interruptions to a minimum and stick to what the 24 year old me wrote.

JFHR, Callsign of the Koei Maru 30
JFHR, Callsign of the Koei Maru 30

Monday 11 April 1988, Port Stanley, Malvina House Hotel.

I was picked up. My prayers were answered. The ‘Beagle’ came for me at about 3-4pm. I shared the trip with a couple of hospital cases from various ships – one had a badly injured arm and winced every time we hit a bump (frequently). The other just looked unwell.

Koei Maru 30, Squid Jigger
Koei Maru 30, Squid Jigger

The post was fantastic – to hear from Deb and home. Gavin sent the most incredible letter, which was almost word for word the same as mine (to him). We know each other sinisterly well.

e.g. Beard – he asks for a lock – I sent a bit. Stanley jokes, Arsenal jokes, broken computer joke.

Deb’s letters make me very cheerful, and then very sad – I miss her very much.

I was sad – very sad to hear about Great Uncle John – my mother is so good at these times.

I loved John – I have an outstanding memory of him – about 14-15 years ago, when he, grandpa and I went for a sail in the yacht (Henrietta or Nettie Too) and anchored at a beach near St Anthony’s. We swam ashore – I was assisted on John’s back. I will never forget it (and I never have). The clarity of the water, the heat of the day. Two old men and a young boy swimming. On an outing. It makes me cry. Times gone. Poor John.

It is 7.09 am – I woke at 5.30 but at least got a decent 6 1/2 hours sleep – at night!

In the next few days I will have loads of cuttings to put into this diary.

There is so much to talk about, I will try to spread it out over a period of days.

I am staying at the Malvina Hotel (a little expy, but comfortable).

Malvinas House Hotel in 1988
Malvina House Hotel in 1988

I rang Deb – but unfortunately she was out at a film – she will be so disappointed to have missed me. Damn.

Instead I rang home and had a great conversation with Ma and Ad. Ad said that David Copperfield being my favourite book, was the ‘best news I’ve had in twenty years’ – jokingly.

Leaping forward to July 2015 – reflecting back on this journal, this is a deeply poignant passage for me. My stepfather, Ad, has since passed away, but as a father myself now, I realise how proud he must have felt at that moment. I was never one who cared much for literature in my youth, but David Copperfield was a major turning point in my life. Ad had encouraged me for many years to read amazing books, but I resisted his wisdom, feigning interest, but I had much better things to do. I now have the same interactions with my own son, and I realise there is hope, and he will have his ‘Dickens’ moment.

Tuesday 12 April, Port Stanley, Malvina House Hotel.

Worked all day in the office – statolithing loligo with Andrea? one of the school leavers. They are all very chatty and self-confident. They all seem to have this independent streak.

I was up at 2.30 this morning and couldn’t sleep. It is terrible.

Bedroom at Malvina House Hotel, 1988
Bedroom at Malvina House Hotel, 1988

Spoke to Deb on the telephone – it was really good to hear her – she sounded so close. She has sent lots of post and seen my slides – I’m glad she has.

Went to the globe with Crag and met the history and biology teachers from the school – I forget their names, but what a nice couple – completely bonkers. They are actually looking after Andrea at the moment – Stanley is a very small world.

I must mention the sylph-like girl up at Cable and Wireless when I went to phone Deb. She was the first female I have been in any attracted to since I arrived. She reminds me of Deb. Petite, very lively and bouncy, confident and very sweet. I have no designs, but she makes me happy (I’ve only seen her for about five minutes).

Smartphone distraction

Laughs turned to curses

as the lady missed her bus.

Too busy chatting.

 

by Scooj

written on the bus home from work yesterday. It has happened to me too.

Love you

An untold story;

a gift of love? or maybe

an apology.

 

by Scooj

A bicycle I saw exactly a year ago on a street in Bristol.

IMG_1418

Bristol to London by Train 2

Deer in open fields

scamper away for cover

when iron thunder comes.

 

by Scooj

Bristol to London by Train 1

Am I alone in

being incensed by human

excrement on rails?

 

by Scooj