Here my breathing slows
until no air passes through;
place and mind are one.
by Scooj
I sat in this overgrown corner of my allotment doing a butterfly survey this afternoon. My heart rate slowed and I caught myself not even breathing. So calm and peaceful.
Such vibrant colour
lost in verdant foliage;
perfect camouflage.
by Scooj
Wednesday 6 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
My breakfast (actually yesterday) was steak again, with prawns, chips and macaroni. 3 enormous steaks was all I could manage. I am beginning to tire a little of them, but I do love them so.
The time is going quickly now. The days drift from one into another and I’m sure that in no time at all I shall be home on holiday. I think for me Italy has to be the answer.
I have just eaten a fruit salad that had some peculiar jelly-like cubes in it. They were clear and disintegrated much more easily than jelly. I asked Abe what it was and he said it was made from ‘sea leaf’ so I take it that it is agar gel from seaweed. It was completely tasteless and probably only in the fruit salad as a cheap filler, like sawdust in sausages.
From the same conversation it looks like we will be returning to Stanley on the 9th or 10th of this month – it is good to know that it is sooner rather than later!
Thursday 7 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
I can’t help thinking that my diary and my mind’s capabilities are being severely disrupted by the volume of letters I am writing – they are sapping my inspiration. I also feel cheap because of them – I write many of the same things to people – sometimes using exactly the same words…
e.g. Houses in Stanley – Allotment garden. ‘Well to do’ shanti town.
Reading a great deal – David Copperfield. Theroux.
Zzz snore! – I only hope that those to whom I am writing enjoy the letters I suppose it is better than no letter at all.
Her waggoner, a small grey coated gnat,
Not half so big as a little round worm
Prick’d from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazel nut
Made by the joiner squirrel, or old grub,
Time out o’minds the fairies’ coach makers.
And in this state, she gallops night by night
Through lovers’ brains, and then they dream of love
O’er courtiers’ knees, that dream on curtsies straight;
O’er lawyers’ fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O’er ladies’ lips, who straight on kisses dream;
Nananuma has been very sweet. He has made an order for cornflakes and milk for the next voyage – what a good bloke.
It is at this moment as I write (10 minutes to 7am) and it is still not light, and very little sign of becoming so.
Friday 8 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
Radioed Crag today – I definitely have a month off in Britain. Much of the conversation was about getting picked up, time in Stanley etc…
I have talked with the crew much more over the past couple of days. The poor chaps care only about one thing – sex – they wait with eagerness to get to Montevideo, so they can see ‘street girls’. I find this very depressing – they discuss very little else.
I am in a bit of a void at the moment, reading wise; the print in HG Wells selected short stories is too small and I have difficulty reading it. The alternative, Conrad’s Typhoon, is impossible – the dictionary syndrome – it is irritation to a degree. I have a mental block with Conrad.
Saturday 9 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
How odd. I was sitting wondering what to do, trying to shake off a terrible dreariness when:
So off I went. A message came from the KSJ office to say that the ETA for Koei Maru No30 in Stanley will be 7.00 tomorrow morning – they will arrange for me to be collected by the warrah.
This is good news – whoopee! yahoo! A day early
The other bonkers thing is that it has turned out to be bloody cold and when I came back from the radio room it was bloody snowing hard. Can you believe it? Yup. April bonkers showers.
Sunday 10 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
I got up with the sun, although I hadn’t been able to sleep a wink, I feel at least that I have been to bed. It is a very cold morning and the ship has arrived in Berkeley Sound – it is almost enough to make me cry, to see land again – it is beautiful and covered in a light scattering of snow. I must brace myself for the bad news that I might not be picked up until tomorrow – God I hope it’s today. A lovely thought – after my week in Stanley, only half of April will be left and then it will be May.
Blue whales arrive with
a message in a bottle –
don’t throw it away.
by Scooj
As part of Bristol Green Capital, this enormous public art installation will be launched on Friday 17 July. I saw the artists making the finishing touches to ‘Bristol Blue Whales’ today. It is stunning.
A calm Summer morn’
punctuated only by
a passing comma.
by Scooj
* The Comma (Polygonia c-album) is a species of butterfly found across Europe, and from N. Africa through Asia as far as Japan.
Sunday 3 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
I wonder how Arsenal did yesterday. I have written to Sean, holding him to his promise of sending me cuttings of Arsenal’s progress.
I have almost finished David Copperfield. What a deeply moving book – I find myself laughing and crying throughout the book. I shall be sad to finish it.
I spend my whole time looking forwards or backwards in time. I keep making plans for Deb and me to go on a holiday together for a week – perhaps to a Greek island, or to Sicily or to Corsica or to Siena or anywhere – I live in that dream.
I also think much about my school days and the third chapter in my life – Cholmely, but I can’t put it on paper yet. (Cholmely was the upper-junior school that I went to from age 9-11)
I am learning Queen Mab’s speech – this is what I know.
She is the fairies’ midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the fore-finger of an alderman:
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men’s noses as they lie asleep
I have finished D.C. – I am sad at this prospect. I feel I have myself lived the life of David Copperfield, that I have loved little Emily and that I do love Agnes. Having finished, I am left with the grim reality that I am thousands of miles away from my family and close friends. While Dickens can act to halt progression of my ‘disease’, he cannot cure it. I lived each minute of that book. I know intimately my Aunt, Mr Dick, Dr Strong and his wife Anne, Traddles whom I consider to be a best friend. What a sadness that they are all dead, the author too. Enough mourning. I must read some other books. (It’s lucky I bought so many!). (11 days for Copperfield!)
A comment from the present day (2015) to put the significance of this last entry into some kind of context. I was never much of a reader in my youth, and only reluctantly read books on into my twenties, preferring to bury myself in my studies, or watching TV. Looking back, I think reading David Copperfield was a life-changing event. There are many of these kinds of events in this journal.
There are also the first signs of a ‘madness’ creeping into my writings, and it feels a bit strange reading them now.
Monday 4 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
Wrote to Pia and Louise B. Both good friends and good company – as before – writing to them made me feel I was with them – what an incredible thing the mind is.
Milk in a ring-pull can!!
Sabudo gave me a crate of this stuff – he is looking after me very well indeed. what a good bloke.
Continued Mabs:
Her wagon spokes made of long spinners’ legs;
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
The traces, of the smallest spider’s web;
The collars, of the moonshines watery beams;
Her whip, of cricket’s bone; the lash, of film;
I radioed Stanley and spoke with Crag. I will wait definitely until the KM30 comes into Stanley/Berkley Sound. I am worried about how much time I will actually get on land. I am also worried that I may be being short-changed a bit. Crag said Drin would be coming in, she has been at sea a month – this is not true, she has been at sea less time than me!
Tuesday 5 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
Watched ‘Inspector Clouseau’ today on video – what a load of cobbler’s – it was an old film (’60s). The highlight for me was that ‘Catweasel’ was in it, playing a chocolate factory porter/watchman. It was a very weak film indeed, but I’m not sure whether it pre-dates or post dates the Pink Panther films. Wrote to Mr Radford and J&J.
Sprinklers chattering;
a secluded London park.
Peace…pre-interview
By Scooj
Bulging eyes, wet skin.
Ma said ‘you’re no oil painting’;
your ship will come in.
by Scooj
Wednesday 30 March 1988, Koei Maru 30.
Bread – will I ever be able to look another piece of white bread in the face again and say ‘I want you’ ? It seems unlikely.
Since telling Nananuma (the ship’s cook) that I liked bread and butter, he has produced this stale stack for me each breakfast of up to ten thick slices. It is not only stale, but tastes of the plastic it has been kept in.
He thinks he is doing me a kindness by this service, for which reason I oblige him by eating what I can and taking what is left to my cabin, where, I am sorry to say, having festered in my fridge for a couple of days, it is destined for the waste disposal unit which is my toilet. It is slowly driving me bonkers and I feel that somebody, somewhere is watching me do this! Am I guilty?
I saw a beautiful flock of white birds, their reversed silhouettes emphasised by the black sky background and the bright lights of the ship shining towards them. I took unsuccessful photographs. They looked heron-like or egret-like and tried to roost a while on the masts, but were unable to remain long due to the winds forcing over the bow. They had yellow beaks and long black legs with large feet. What were they doing here? (I found out some time later that they get blown off course from the mainland and probably perish at sea.)
Thursday 31 March 1988, Koei Maru 30
At last March is almost over – roll on April, May, June, so that I may be home again.
The sea has come up in a terrible fury, but is still nowhere near as bad as I am sure it can become. I think fishing may be abandoned in this weather, although I am not sure. It will certainly be affected. Good for the squid I say. I cannot help thinking myself that the season ought not to start until April, to enable all those immature females the chance of at least producing and spawning eggs.
Friday 1 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
So, I can’t play any tricks on anybody – but I might be able to do something in a letter or two. Yesterday was maddening – no fishing last night and passing the time was even more difficult than usual. I watched ‘Rocky 2’ – wow, some film! And also two really shitty Japanese films, both looked like they were made on Super 8 or something like that.
I can’t remember when I last ate – eating times were all up the spout yesterday! I must keep up with my letters.
Only another ten days or so on board and then aaah land ho!
The crew are much better for their enforced day off – no longer do they walk about like zombies.
Mr Chiba (the fishing master) has had a haircut (it was short to start with)
Abe radar has had a shave. They have all slept well and look refreshed.
All is much calmer, but we still roll -like right now for example. Wrote to Jazz and Michael.
Saturday 2 April 1988, Koei Maru 30.
A day just like any other passed by. This is a maelstrom of tedium. I want to go home.
Incredible world.
Natural bounty sustains;
with care we can thrive.
By Scooj
Natural adventures 